Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Rehab

This is all that is left to it.
Google searching her death and cause every two hours.
And wondering the what if's.

What if I dint waste her precious seconds and minutes
What if she could instead read a book more, write a bit more, talk a lot more and smile...
What if she dint have to counsel me, convince me, pull me out of my misery...
What if we only laughed and smiled and giggled and spoke...
Regular stuff, mundane stuff...

What if my heartbreak and its aftermath dint poison away her little time.. her precious time...
Would she live a little longer...happier.. still as always... smiling?!?!

What if we met in more simple times...
without tears and anger and pain in the background...
Where she didn't have to be my crutch... moving me on from day to day?!?!
I guess where ever she must be.. she must be a little angry...or perhaps she might just laugh it away..
Perhaps I had no right to hog her time... own it like it as my own.
But perhaps that is why she came into my sphere...to walk me through...step by step... let me live life each day with her strength...
Step by step as days pass by all I have of her are precious memories.

2 comments:

  1. You're obviously someone who felt very close to Rehab. Understandably there's much pain and grief at this time. There are more of us going through this than even Rehab may have imagined.

    I'm not here to justify my friendship with Rehab. I liked her and I believe she liked me. We had some wonderful conversations which really impacted my life. I'd only hope that she carried away some value from them as well. I think we'd been talking for about 5 years and I've never heard her object to the use of her full name.

    Writing is a sharing and I was expressing my sense of loss of someone I thought was really special. The heavy-duty media attention at this time has made me uncomfortable as well, just as it has done with everyone who felt close to Rehab. However, it has also meant a chance for many more people to express their memories of the difference Rehab made to their lives. And I think that can only be a form of great respect.

    At this time, I don't think there's any purpose served in lashing out at each other. I just want to say, you're not alone in your loss. There are a lot of us who share that grief. I truly hope you find your solace.

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