November 12, 2009:
If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t one the make it was a perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there this feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotically, a great deal of maintenance acquired. She is you Karen, that’s the good news. The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It’s a big bad world full or twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could of changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that has to count for something. Call me!
November 12, 2009:
Dear Hanky Moody,
yeah I more than just liked it.. :)
December 12, 2009:
i am back...was just thinking about you...thought it would be better to but those thoughts in words so for once u actuallly know how and what i think and feel about you. I am not quite amatuer with words but i will try! I know i feel very strongly about you...i said i love you, but i am not sure what kind of love it is...but i know it is. I miss talking to you..i see u online and u dont ping me..that makes me go wild...and the oversized egoistic and fucked up person i am...i dont ping you tooo..i have no idea why even though i realise this! Looking at your pictures make me just forget a lot of other things in my life....the feeling of calmness prevails....sometimes i wish it was just you actually in front of me, i could hold ur hand ..feel your skin..smell your breath ..and be the most luckiest human being on the earth..even if it was for a moment. I know u have ur reasons to doubt me,humans are born that way...to be very frank..i doubt myself.
I am not writing this to infuluence your feeling towards me. I know that u and me is not bound to be. Neither i am doing this so i can wine dine 69 you or to mess with your brains. I have other women for that.I am going to meet another girl for marriage this time when i am there and will go thru it if it all works out. Just that you know i am writing this so that you know that what i feel for you is without any expectations.I actuallly dont want anything from you.Yes i want you but i do realise its a dream! I am writing this so that you know wherever you are..whatever you do..you are and will be on my mind. Dont confuse this with anything else other than a justified feeling from one humanbeing for another. Thats all it is! though i wish u had more faith in me !!!
You take care of urself Karen! i dont know about other people...but for some unexplainable reason you are important for me!
PS: if i sound like a creep you can block me!! ok!! but i still wish u were here! with me! i do love you!
Dec 12, 2009:
I am not mad. Its wrong to be mad at someone who is honest. I am thankful that I have the effects of calmness in ur life. I really am. I might sound a lil off beat and even weird but everyday I am trying to be a better human being, forgiving ppl and striving really hard to seek happiness with whatever I have little or more. More than that I am trying to understand life and do right. I guess being too spiritual does this to ppl. I firmly believe what is meant to be will be and whats not wont. I really wish u well. Specially when ure planning to settle down. Love is weird. It happens when u least expect it and in manners and places u wudn't imagine. Having said that I'd also add that its not impossible to find love again in other ppl namely ur wud be wife etc. Dont think about what cant be or u cant have. Open your arms to what can be! A positive feeling of meeting the girl and finding happiness and contentment with her, a good friendship with me and a fantastic trip to ur family and friends. Do read d book Hanky Moody... its a sincere request....
Who knows abt the possibility in another lifetime!! :)
Wishing u all d best and see u soon,